You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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