Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
So squirting runs in the family.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
