Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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