i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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