It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
pray to the hookup gods
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
