We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
