I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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