Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
