So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
