What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
