You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
