Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
