Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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