you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
