My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
