Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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