He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I will pee on everything he values.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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