she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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