so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
