i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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