I wannas sexs uuuuu
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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