Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
