just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
