you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My ATM looks so different sober.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
