So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
