I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
what day is it and did you see me today?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
