I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
it's great music for shaving your balls
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
