Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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