I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
