I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
