Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
