Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
