Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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