You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I love having hate sex.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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