This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
