the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
