I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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