Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
