you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
