just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
