apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
