Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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