exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
