i just had sex bonerless
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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