Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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