sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
