dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
should my penis look like a turkey
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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