this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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