never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize