I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
