I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
