Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She's the barista slut.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
