so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
