you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
